honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
