On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
