I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
