Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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