Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
