I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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