My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
