i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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