She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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