am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
