Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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