Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He? As in you personified your dick?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
