im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
