this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sober January is a disaster.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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