if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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