You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
