She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
