So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
