My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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