And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
