It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
