He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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