What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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