I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They took my balls.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
