ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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