I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
