i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
