Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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