Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize