Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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