my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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