im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
