the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
