Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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