I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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