Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
