thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
