it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
