They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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