i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
