Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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