Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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