No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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