I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
