Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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