There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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