Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
