bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
