Small penises have feelings too.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
