Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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