Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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