Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
