True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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