chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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