I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
