I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
