so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
