WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
