You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
