Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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