Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
