I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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