Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
