Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
