After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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